(the swedish plot to overthrow america -- pt5)

Anya loved the Bro’haus more. More than what? Let’s just leave it at more.

(The Bro'haus Cast)

Blaire, the bartender/volkstanzer/BFF. (Anya and Blaire went to The W together. They met after Blaire slept with Anya’s freshman-year kind-of-boyfriend, left her Psy101 notebook, returned for it unannounced, and liberated Anya. (The guy, let’s call him C. Finklestein, later tried missionary-dating a heroin addict and was last seen after his cab rear-ended a Volvo on Hwy 280 in Birmingham).)

Diandra (aka, Tony), the door-dame/queen/Arch-nemesis. (They – Anya and Blaire – hated Diandra. Everyone hated Diandra, well, maybe except Geoff.)

Geoff, the trustfunder/ambigious/Regular. (Oh, we’ll get to Geoff.)

Randy, the weatherman/salty-dog-drinker/Regular. (Randy, the weatherman, worked 5 years at the local NBC station. Five years with the same male roommate was apparently, well, 5 too many. His wrongful termination case is headed for the MS Supreme Court. But he still tells the Bro’haus regulars when to plant tulip bulbs and how long Indian Summer will last this year.)

Melvin, the cashier/activist/Token-Flamboyantly-Gay-Man-in-Columbus. (Melvin. Ah, Melvin. Every small Southern town has a Melvin. He’s a 5’4 Black man, shaved head, always dressed like the lovechild of Tito Jackson and a French poodle.)

Random Sorority Girls, the entertainment/ATMs/Think-the-Coke-is-Just-for-Fun-but-it-isn’t-Partiers. (Anya’s favorite people – the Sorority Girls. It’s probably the “look at us, we’re like totally partying in a gay bar” routine that keeps her from quitting.)

The Extras (aka, deacons, “undercover” cops, and assorted businessmen).

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Geoff Born (aka Geoff Björn), the first-generation American son of Swedish émigrés, was the heir of the supposedly-bankrupt Nordic-Trak empire. No one remembers when the Björn family moved to Columbus. In fact, no one’s actually seen a single Björn other than Geoff.

Oh, and he changed the spelling to Born. Seemed less Swedish, he said.

Geoff spent most days at the Brickyard Kaffehus poring over IKEA catalogs, ABBA lyrics, and Scandinavian death-metal webzines.

In his spare time, he kept the local newspaper janitor employed, full-time, taking out trashcans full of letters to the editor (LTEs), information packets, and academic screeds. His universal subject this particular year was the proposed Saab/GM corporate marriage.

The Commercial Dispatch dutifully published a Geoff letter every week. What else would they cover?

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To the Editor:

I read with interest the response to my letter regarding the merger of GM and Saab (“Unholy Union,” The Commercial Dispatch, 22 Jan 90). Despite Mr. Rush’s claims, this unholy union will further the Socialist Infiltration of our United States.

I don’t expect government officials like Mr. Rush to be honest with us about this merger. Socialism will just give him more power with his Union buddies.

There’s a reason it’s called a Union, like in the War of Northern Aggression. Don’t let them win again!

Geoff Born
Caledonia, MS

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